From the recording World Come Clean

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Ain't Saved Enough

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Ain’t Saved Enough

Verse 1
I been trying to get to Heaven, I ain’t had much luck
It’s an awful long trip, all I got is a truck
I ain’t opposed to going, but I’ll probably have to pass
Truck’s on empty and I can’t afford gas

I started praying, asking for some kind of sign…
I was looking down low, I was looking up high
Finally, I found one, way up in the sky…
it said Unleaded Regular $3.25

Good God, I’m trying to get to Heaven
Good God, gas price going up
Good God, guess I’ll never get to Heaven
My pocket book’s empty; I ain’t saved enough

Verse 2
Bumped into my neighbor, an old, mean heathen
Wasn’t a chance in Hell he was going to Eden
I didn’t covet his wife, didn’t covet his land
But I coveted his car cuz it had a full tank

Bible says, “treat your neighbor as you want to be treated”
So I treated myself to his little two-seater
I didn’t steal his car, just borrowed his tank of gas
And it just so happened that his car was attached

Verse 3
After cruising towards Heaven, traffic started to slow
Something ahead was stuck in the middle of the road
Two cars out of gas in the fast lane,broke
One was Billy Graham’s, the other was the Pope’s

These Heaven-bound men asked me for a ride
But I only had one seat left on my side
And with my tank near empty and my pocketbook dry, I said
Good luck Billy Graham, Mr. Pope get inside

Verse 4
With the Pope riding shotgun, there wasn’t any waiting
We went to fill up at the first gas station
The Pope said, “I’ll pay as long as you’re saved.”
I topped off the tank and screamed, “Whatever you say!”

The Pope looked happy; we were on our way
Till we reached St. Peter at the Pearly Gate
“Are you saved?” he asked, standing by my fender
said, “I ain’t saved much but I’m a religious spender”

Verse 5
The Pope showed his pocketbook, Peter let him by
But he glared at me with his Hell-bent eye
Said you ain’t got saved, so you can’t pass
I said I spent all I saved on overpriced gas

If you wanna get to Heaven, I say good luck
You’ll spend your whole life just trying to save up
And once you save your soul, you’ll spend it all on gas
Even Billy Graham ain’t saved enough for that.

Notes: The Freddies and I recorded this song live at Go To Your Room Studios on Monday night. We got it right on the second take. I originally wrote this song as one of those Talkin’ Blues numbers, but Sarah convinced me to gas it up a bit. I like the result of her advice, even though she charged me $3 a minute for the help. The 1-year anniversary of the Pope’s death makes this song more or less a tribute. The rest of the song just guzzles along at 10 miles to the gallon.

The road to Heaven ain’t exactly paved
Unless you admit to someone your soul’s been saved
And after all that saving, gas prices make you spend it
Even the Pope had trouble getting to Heaven

Couldn’t separate the two. Figured he prolly wanted his car
And according to the Golden Rule, if he treated his neighbor as
He wanted to be treated, he actually prolly WANTED to give
Me his car, seeing as I was his neighbor. Something like that.
Either way, somehow it worked out that it all got justified by the Bible.

But I ain’t much of a saver, I’m more of a spender
But I did buy one of those bumper stickers of a Christian fish to put on my fender
It came with two free “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets
And seeing as those bracelets were prolly worth about $3.19 apiece,
I figured I WAS saved, and good to go…at least two more gallons worth.
And seeing as I was probably gonna buy of couple of those bracelets eventually,
I figured in a way, I HAD got saved.

I got halfway to Heaven when my car ran out of gas
So I tried to hitch a ride for the second half
I got passed up by Billy Graham
He said sorry, Son, I’m late for my talk at the stadium